i don't like sucking hair
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
