He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
