Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
