did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Randomize
