he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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