Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
