i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
