Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
