the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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