Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
