I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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