my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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