she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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