There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
