please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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