so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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