U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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