a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
My vagina just clenched in fear
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
