The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
