id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
