I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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