Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
nutella sex= disaster
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
