new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
