i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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