I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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