White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
