Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
