your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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