Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Drunk is a universal language darling
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
