oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
