I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
