i just sent this text using only my big toe
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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