..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
