After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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