she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
