Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
