Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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