so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
She has the best kind of daddy issues
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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