Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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