Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
