He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
