Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
