You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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