chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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