Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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