my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
