yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
