I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
