Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
