I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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