also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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