thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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