We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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