He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
