Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
did i walk over a car last night?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
