I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
