omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
